Two Years With Mrs. Fantastic

Two years ago I married my best friend. Soon after we were driving to our mini-honeymoon, after the high of the wedding. We talked about out new partnership and how much we’d grow and change together, and the wonder our lives promised.

And as the months passed, the high faded, and reality sunk in. There were times of doubt. Could I be the person I thought I could on that day?

Perhaps it was just the elation of a wonderful wedding, and the love of our families celebrating with us.

It hasn’t been until recent months that the feeling has returned, not as a hope but a reality. We’ve grown into fantastic people, and continue to grow.

Change and self improvement is hard. We’ve had many struggles and fights. There have been times of despair. Times where it seemed like our promises to be better for each other may be impossible dreams.

But with each obstacle, and especially with each fight, we grow. Part of that growth comes from compassion for each other above all else. A determination not to intentionally hurt the other one. But also a careful, thoughtful, navigation of the other’s feelings and needs.

When friction occurs it is often through a selfish action, accidental or intentional. It could be a habit learned long ago, or a desire that’s come up in the moment. It is not easy to navigate these. We are all blind to parts of us we don’t know, and parts of other people. Why do certain words or actions that seem natural, perhaps harmless, cause pain to another?

We never told each other to toughen up. We try not to feel resentful of the other’s pain. And we always, not always immediately, but always explore what caused the pain. We always strive to increase understanding of one another.

Many missteps. Many small victories. Many stumbles. Many attempts. Small steps, little by little, walking down a new path. A path that can only be new because there is no one exactly like us, and we’ve never done this before.

The path has no end. We’ll continue to struggle and grow and change. So far, each change and new discovery about each other has only increased my love for my wife. There could be a day where that ceases to be true, but so far, I don’t see a hint of it on the horizon.

I look forward to many more years, growing together as more than lovers and friends, but allies and protectors and champions. She is my superhero. That’s why I call her Mrs. Fantastic.