Wounded Love

Verletzte Liebe
This nail means you’ve died.
That blood disease took you
From this Earth
From your family
From me.

The scars on these stones will never heal.
But some day
With enough wind,
And sun,
And rain,
It will become a foothold for life.

A new life.
Not yours.
You, my beautiful boy, are never coming home again.

I don’t drive this nail into rock with anguish
My sadness doesn’t plant it here.
The memory of you isn’t strong enough.
I drive it with a fury
And passion
At the thought of how many days
Lay before us.
I would erase those days and join you
Now.

But I know what you’d say. I know what you’d want.
To live my days and find happiness again.
And I couldn’t bear to face you not having done that.
So you’ll forgive me if
Right now
I hate you.
And use that hate to drive this nail into stone
And hopefully, the remove the nails
In my heart as well.

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Occupy Wall Street or Decolonize Wall Street?

When Occupy Wall Street hit Oakland, one of the first alternate phrasing presented was Decolonize Oakland. I thought this odd, at first.

I thought it was just about Native American rights. Occupy Oakland was building around Columbus Day, so that made sense. But it’s really about more than that.

But the movement continues, in cities around the country – despite coordinated government crackdowns, despite television media putting more effort into ignoring the events and written media focusing on those who are claiming injury from the unrest – and in Oakland itself, Angela Davis came to the general assembly to present a proposal (and she, unlike self-important Mayor Jean Quan, played by the rules and waited in line).

I started thinking about Decolonize and what that really meant. I’ve decided I like it better than Occupy.

The original idea of Occupy was to show up in force on Wall Street – not Washington – as a statement, “We know who holds the reigns.” But if you take the “occupation” statement, symbolically, what does it mean? Do we move into their offices? By occupying Wall Street, we perpetuate it.

I prefer decolonization. When Columbus arrived, the Arawaks were (by all Spanish accounts) leading peaceful and idyllic lives. Columbus, however, needed to fulfill the promises of wealth he made to his investors, and began the first of many campaigns of genocide and enslavement in the name of progress, prosperity, and the great white civilization of Europe.

The Dutch settlements in New York/Amsterdam were nothing short of feudal land baronies, with a handful of families lording over poor tenant farmers who had no rights (and, like many early colonists, more than a few fled to “savage Indians” seeking their only chance at freedom). This system lasted two centuries, well past the Revolution, until the Anti-Rent riots of the 1840′s. It starts to sound a little familiar.

New York in the late 19th century was a hell hole for the average person. Only the rich (1% you might say) had running water. The majority of the city relied on sewage filled rivers, with garbage piled high in the streets and alleys, constant victims of disease, illness, and vermin. They had no voice, no representation, no power. Riots and strikes rocked the nation for decades, with the most common response: police, national guard, martial law. It sounds a little familiar.

So, what’s the symbolic conclusion of a decolonization? It’s unrealistic to expect many of us to go “home” to the Old World.

Decolonizing is about the culture we’ve allowed to calcify around us. A culture that holds private property as sacrosanct above public welfare. Where an individual’s greatness is put above the community, no matter how much wealth that individual amasses, no matter how much the community suffers. It’s the culture that Christopher Columbus brought with him, and every great man who came after him supported, built up, and used to increase their personal gain at the expense of the meek, the poor, the brown, black, and every female regardless of color or creed.

The only thing that still bothers me about “decolonize” is the implication that it’s about winding back the clock. But this is not about going back to old ways. It’s about moving forward and finding something new. We won’t get everything we dream. The powers we’re up against have been writing laws for the better part of 300 years, and they hold all the resources. We’ll only get a small piece.

So, dream as big as you can.

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Let Me Run Across That Jagged Horizon

Let me run across that jagged horizon.
Let me chase the dying sun.
I want to swallow cold air.
I want to slip on ice.
Scrape my knees on the granite.
Let my teeth taste the snow.
I will use the ropes of my guts to climb her.

All your talk of liberty is a prison.
This is freedom, and it will be mine.

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No More Picnics

No more picnics.

My stomach is frozen and hard.

The ground is empty and growling.

The bench is cold and no place to sleep.

I’ve pursued happiness since I could walk

And now

my heart

can walk no more.

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Plague of Rabbits

“I’ve made it so you are among the natural prey of rabbits. They will forever hunt you above any vegetable.”

Just then another rabbit hopped up and began to nibble on the edge of her boot. She kicked it away easily, sending it over the horizon. “It’s bothersome, but hardly a threat. I can crush mountains and rend armies. Is that the best you can do?”

“Oh, they’re certainly not a threat right now. They haven’t adapted to it, yet. But give them 10 million years. They’ll become the prefect predator of you.”

“Surely you could have made them deadly immediately. Why this?”

“Because this way they’ll be sure to overcome any strength of yours and exploit any weakness. And I wanted to make sure you had a head start.”

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Don’t Think of an Elephant Across the Street

This is not an elephant. There is not an elephant across the street from you. If you look out the window right now, you won’t catch him watching you. He is not taking notes down onto a notepad. He is not part of a secret conspiracy.

These things don’t happen, so stop thinking about it.

There is not a lion watching the elephant. She is not licking her chops and lighting a cigar. Lions don’t smoke cigars. They don’t smack their lips when they puff, tasting a hint of licorice and almond.

How would a lion buy a cigar anyway?

The elephant that is not watching you, is not putting away his notes, tucking the pad of paper and pencil behind a large ear. You won’t find any trees missing branches, since there is not an elephant to reach up with his trunk and pull a few off for a nibble, as he slowly strolls down the street.

The lion is not making a hasty, but quiet retreat to her SUV. She is not starting the engine, and creeping the vehicle down the street well below the speed limit to follow the elephant. When the elephant steps into the crosswalk, the lion does not suddenly slam her paw down onto the gas pedal.

The elephant did not look both ways before crossing the street. This would have been a mistake if he existed.

A swarm of police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks do not rush to the scene. Animal control is not called. The lion does not get away, running through the streets, leaving a broken jeep behind.

The elephant does not die, despite the best efforts of the doctors and paramedics.

None of this happened.

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The 1%, Friends or Foes?

I’ve heard people say (of Occupy Oakland) that they should protest in Marin County, where the 1% live.

I had a friend ask (in jest, but from honest confusion) if he is supposed to hate his parents, because they almost make enough money to be in the 1%.

And most alarming, during one of the protest marches where a violent element had been causing problems, someone pointed down a street into a rich neighborhood “That’s where them 1% live.”

It is an absolute mistake to go down that road.

The 1% are not the enemy. They’re not the ones causing problems. They’re not targets of hate. They’re only the beneficiaries of economic injustice.

The 99% is not about drawing a line in the sand of Us vs Them. That will only lead to a new imbalance and deepen the division. Instead, it’s about recognizing that 99% of us are being exploited for the benefit of a few.

Being in the 99% means you make less than roughly $350,000 a year. That’s it. It’s not a state of mind. It’s a simple economic category.

It’s shorthand: if you are not in the top 1% in economic earnings, then the government is actively working against you. It has been for the last 30 years.

This is an important distinction. Because the 1% are not doing this maliciously. Most of them are not doing it at all. Most of them are living the best lives they can, working as hard as they can. Just like the rest of us.

There was no man in a top hat and monocle, cackling about the suffering of the poor when making these decisions (making fun of the victims of the economy came later). Many corporations and extremely rich just did what they could to make more money, and keep more profits. They used their moneyed influence to cut taxes, but keep loopholes; to cut funding to social programs and education, but increase industry subsidies; to cut regulations and safeguards against greed.

A bunch of tiny, selfish decisions, adding up to a global economic catastrophe.

It’s true that some of the 1% denigrate the 99% movement. But so do some of the 99%. This does not make them enemies of the movement. It simply makes them uneducated about the situation. The truth is, the economic injustice that’s been going on is not just hurting 99% of us. It’s hurting 100% of us. The mounting debt and suppressed wages all lead to people spending less, which decreases profits and cripples business. The 1% are only doing well by comparison, but when you look at the data, they’re not doing as well as they were 30 years ago either. Sure, they hold most of the wealth, but the amount of wealth to go around is still slowing for everyone.

We’re all in this together. And right now, “this” is a sinking ship. The 1% aren’t the enemies. They’re just the last to realize that we’re all going to drown if things don’t change.

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An Open Response to the Oakland Police Officers’ Association from an Oakland Citizen

This is a response to An Open Letter to the Citizens of Oakland from the Oakland Police Officers’ Association posted on Nov 1st. I do not speak on behalf of all citizens of Oakland, nor of any Occupy movement.

Your confusion is understood. These are confusing times.

Don’t mistake the “Us vs Them” to be drawing lines in the sand. This protest is not against “the establishment,” even though you will see a lot of signs and slogans with that message. This movement is against the unfair influence that less than 1% of the population has on the establishment. It’s about changing the establishment, not destroying it.

The entire point of this movement is to bring that control back to the people. We are not establishing armies. We are not trying to create a competition. You can join the movement whenever you want. We hope it’s sooner, because that means we’re closer to solving problems.

Although the Quan letter in support of the strike was a fake, there will still be instances where the “establishment” joins the Occupy movement. In Tennessee, one of the magistrates refused to sign arrest warrants for protesters in Occupy Nashville. This isn’t something to be confused about, this is what a victory looks like.

The truth is, this movement is about recognizing individuals over establishment. Establishment, like corporations, are systems. Systems which allow us to make excuses for hurting others. Excuses like “I’m just doing my job” or “Someone else is responsible for that.” Systems let you make excuses for behavior you would never do on your own.

I know you have officers within your ranks who, standing their in riot gear ready to take action on Oct 25th, held back. They did the right thing. They did what you all would have done if no one had ordered you to do otherwise.

You are going to start to seeing more and more civil governments start to join the side of the people as long as the movement remains committed to non-violence. People are going to be changing their minds. It means they’re no longer working as they’ve been expected to by the system, and are starting to act in accordance with their own humanity.

The ideal progression is this path. First local governments side with the 99%, then states, and finally even the federal government must bend to the will of the people.

Don’t look to Mayor Quan to lead you out of the confusion. Don’t look to the horizon for another mayor to tell you how to respond. Don’t look to Occupy for answers either. Look into your hearts and lead yourselves out of the confusion.

It is within your rights to resist illegal orders and stand up for what’s right. It’s hard. It takes courage. But bravery is not found in following along with what you know is wrong.

We’re relying on you to question unjust actions. We’re looking to you to resist immoral or illegal orders. We’re looking to you to find ways to connect with your community, and protect us with compassion. I don’t envy the issues you face. The history of law enforcement, especially in this city, and our state and federal prison system that focuses on punishment and dehumanization has escalated the divide between police and citizen to one more like police and criminal. And everyday you see people at the worst points in their lives: when they need to call the police. These are hard problems.

We, the people, have a lot of opinions and feelings. Ultimately, we can only really tell you if what you are doing is helping or hurting. Ultimately, it’s up to you to do the right thing and find better ways to do them.

I don’t believe that you need a mayor to tell you what the right thing is. Maybe it’s not easy to remember amongst all the politics, positioning for promotions, looking closely at the numbers and statistics to see if you can report crime is down this year or not. But you know what the right thing is. It’s that voice that tells you to treat others as you would want to be treated.

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#OccupyCompassion

I went to the reinvigorated Occupy Oakland assembly tonight.

I left when two speakers in a row called the police fascists, and compared them to Neo-Nazis. I can understand the anger and outrage at their behavior, but this is not the approach. Attacking them with words is still violence.

We need to stop dehumanizing the police. They are humans. They are acting on the behalf of a corrupt system. But they are still humans. Convince them to stop acting on behalf of a corrupt system. This is within our power. But not when you treat them as tools, as inhuman.

Non-violence isn’t just about not using fists and guns. Violence isn’t confined to tear gas and bullets (regardless of what they are made of). Those are just the physical manifestations of violence.

Violence starts in the heart. It starts in fear and hate. People are afraid of what we are doing. We are breaking the system as they know it. That is terrifying. Many will fight us out of that fear.

Non-violence starts with compassion. Recognize that every person is human. They can be met.

Many speakers spoke of love and compassion. They spoke of the pain and anger. One woman told a story of how she was choking from asthma as the police watched. And as another person helped her she eventually got the words out “You just tear gassed a 17 year old with asthma.” Someone else urged love for the police because they are programmed by a system. People are not evil, they are trapped and indoctrinated. We need to fight for them. They need to be free, too.

You hurt us. You oppress us. But we fight for you, still.

Because that’s the message the 99% need to hear.

One speaker came up and said in the words of NWA, “Fuck the police.” I had no problem with what he was saying because he was talking about their actions. He was talking about their violence. Fuck the oppressors.

Fuck their violence.

The speaker who killed the mood riled up the crowd with an argument that the police are fascists. They are not the 99%. They might be economically, but their ideology makes them separate from us.

And to her, and everyone else who agrees, I say emphatically: “NO.”

The 99% is not a choice. You do not get indoctrinated out of it because you don’t get indoctrinated into it. The 99% is not friends who you get to choose. It is everyone who is oppressd. It is all of us. It is a family. And yes, there are members of this family who have been abused and twisted by the system. But it is the system that is the enemy. It is the system that dehumanizes them by putting them in uniform, behind masks. It is the system that reinforces the idea that all they face are criminals and enemies instead of fellow citizens.

You will never win this fight if you hate them and speak violence towards them. They are the 99%. It’s not 99% of liberals and progressives. It’s 99% of the entire country, if not the entire world. Single mothers, working parents, well off CEOs making $200,000 per year, racists, vegans, environmentalists, oil rig workers, city clerks, police, firemen, students, priests, shamans.

Yes, the police are the first weapons of the state. The military is the next weapon. You will not win against these weapons by using violence, whether it’s throwing bottles or dehumanizing them with words. The only way to win is to show them the ugliness of violence. Don’t give them justification for using violence.

Police are not fascists. They are not neo-nazis. They are humans. They have families. They have dreams. They have hope. They are “just doing a job.” And if you spit in their faces, they’ll do that job proudly. But if you stand defiant, with courage, and show them that you will not fight them and you will not stand down, then they will begin to realize that some paychecks are not worth earning.

Look upon the police with compassion. This movement is about oppression. Who is more oppressed than those imprisoned by an ideology that rewards them for attacking their fellow citizens? We have the power to free their minds. In doing so, they’ll join us. And then we’ll be completely free.

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DMV: the RPG

Ryan Macklin, from the internet, proposed a flash game design challenge. Here’s my 500 word (exactly) response. It hasn’t been playtested. I can’t speak to it being fun or even playable. Luckily, neither of those were listed as criteria.

Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Robert S. Donovan.

You are in one of several long lines at the DMV. Your fellow players are PCs in other lines. Or is it all the same line? It’s so confusing. You just want to get to the goddamn teller and get out of here.

You like to think you have enough patience for this shit. Let’s give it a number: 10.

The Line: The line is constantly going down. To form the line, take a hand-sized bag (under 2oz or 50g) of very small candies and pour them into a bowl. These candies might have Ms on them, or fruit flavored, or nuts, they just need be small and delicious. If you don’t have a bag of this size, pour out about 5-10 (6g) per player into a bowl. Delicious right? If you eat any outside of instruction, you lose 1 patience per instance. If you eat the last candy, lose 5.

No one cares what your name is or why you are here. Everyone in front of you is ignorant of your existence. Everyone behind you hates your existence.

Whoever showed up to the game first goes first. This probably means the host. If there are multiple hosts, use one of these suggested ways to determine who goes first: whichever host is sitting furthest right of the other host(s), whoever got their driver’s license first, whoever got up earliest today.

Your Turn:

1. Roll a d4. Take away this many candies. Enjoy the morsels. Yum.

2. Reduce your patience by 1. If you hit zero, you Blow a Fuse. Roll on the Blow a Fuse table. Otherwise roll on the Slow Ticking Clock table.

Slow Ticking Clock Table
1 – You say something rude under your breath. What do you say? Lose 1 patience.
2 – Tell no one in particular how you have better things to do. Lose 1 patience.
3 – You see an open teller! They leave their station. Loudly decry their incompetence. Lose 1 patience.
4-5 – You are so bored. Nothing happens. NOTHING.
6 – Someone does something rude to another PC. If they have 3 or more patience, they lose 1. If they have 2 or less, you gain 1 patience.
7 – An Non-PC in front of you leaves the line. Why? Gain 1 patience.
8 – Two Non-PCs get into a fight. About what? Gain 1 patience.

Blown Fuse Table
1 – You storm out silently. Eat 4 candies.
2 – You storm out insulting the employees. Eat 3 candies.
3 – You storm out insulting everyone. Eat 2 candies.
4 – You have a violent outburst and are escorted out. Eat 1 candy.
5 – You storm the counter. Describe this. Security removes you.
6 – You pull a concealed weapon. Police remove you.
7 – You pull a concealed army. The National Guard removes you.
8 – You manifest concealed supernatural abilities. Super SWAT removes you.

After your turn, play passes to the right.

The game ends with the last candy. The player with the highest patience left wins.

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